Thursday, May 11, 2006

Me.....


…….When I look into the mirror and aimlessly gaze at my reflection, I recognize the degree of change that I have been through. On the little table by the side of my bed stands a framed photograph of myself, smiling at everybody from beneath a dusty glass. Although it’s my photograph, the person in this photo and I have almost nothing in common.
But I do not regret the fact. Everything changes. Everything that was so solid and real yesterday is helplessly vaporized amidst more recent preoccupations today. That is the law.
While traveling by the subway, I see the monotony of the passengers seated like puppets on a shelf and I suddenly start craving for changes, for new experiences, for new incidents; for any sort of alteration of the familiar.
Sometimes while walking down the street I imagine myself as a tourist to my own city. I like discovering all the same things all over again. This helps to ease out the painful sameness of it all and also to savor the pleasures of discovery afresh.
I have been struggling throughout my school years to be what I wanted to be, got myself loads of certificates , prizes ,awards medals and thought I had almost made it to utopia ; but I was so wrong . They are better off stacked up in my closet than be a part of my life.
What I really need of life is still a brilliant void.
When she heard about my pointless affinity towards changes, my mother once said to me that I should keep a sign out side my room saying ‘Changes welcome’. Maybe she was right!
I am scared of being burnt out like an over-used choke coil by the time I am twenty. I want to carry on and never stop. The world is too much of a beautiful place to just give up and go gently into the night. My dad once told me that I must keep going even if everything goes wrong. So I decided to carry on no matter what.
Luckily other than a few blizzards there weren’t many rainy days in my life.
I guess I will always carry on. I want to develop myself , read all the best books , meet all the best people and learn from them the best ways of living which is why I want to learn more and more and make a man out of myself.
I have always accepted adversity and never repented for the predicament I found myself in. Because there’s no use .Instead it its better to plan a way out of it .Everything is a part of some bigger change and, as I said before, changes are always welcome.
I know that situations are not always conducive to your desires. But I have more than a wish—I have a will. I only need that big opportunity to prove my potential.
I guess one of the few things that I have in common with my photograph is the smile that looks so much better without the change……….

3 Comments:

At 2:10 AM, Blogger Sach said...

Awosme, Brilliant writup.
Its one thing that i guess every one goes through at some point i their lives. only very few people can write it down and that done very beautifully.
I had thought of the same thing the other day. i mean, we spend a good part of over lives probably trying to be something else. and then we realise that we would had been better off being somthing far simpler, less complicated. Though we may not regret what we were and are in some ways. we surely deep within us have a craving to become that person we have newly cometo secretly desire .
Pictures may remain unchanged...
and in time too they will fade away. its time that has the power to change. and so we'll change too wether we desire it or not...

 
At 4:38 AM, Blogger Divya said...

Deep.. Excellently written! Captured that feeling so profoundly!!

 
At 6:12 AM, Blogger The Belled Goat said...

After reading dis, Y do I feel like u r mah carbon copy..!!! *DOn't Mind but *

Are u a capricorn.?..' cuz I am...n am exactly feeling wat u rote!
Stagnant life stinks... I'll rot if my feathers are kept unruffled, once in a while I Just have to live a change!

 

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